ellery_queen: (Default)
Title: The Weather Today is Slightly Sarcastic
Author: Sherlockian

Sometimes, just for kicks, Teddy shapeshifted into Jean-Paul Beaubier. Before they had gotten together Billy had a crush on Northstar. But Ted's terrible French accent cured him of it and, after a while, he found he only liked the idea of Northstar in his bed when he rolled his "r"s like a Spaniard (because the only other languages Teddy knew were mediocre Spanish and a few dirty phrases in really terrible German). Nevertheless, Northstar was an attractive man, and Billy wasn't about to complain when his boyfriend chose to spice up their sex with life-size sex-doll versions of other superheroes.

Except, of course, on the handful of days when he got cornered by the damn paparazzi, and peppered with questions about life as an out superhero. Sure, it was nice to get the attention, and knew for damn sure that before he became a hero (and came out) he sometimes clung to the idea of out celebrities like they were life rafts.

But it tended to get irritating after the third round of questions about whether his parents knew (about being gay: yes. about being a hero: also yes), whether he knew other gay heros (also yes, although only the young and less known heros were out, and if the press didn't want to do the research, Billy wasn't going to make their lives easier) or whether he'd ever been protested by anti-gay rights activists (that was a funny story, actually. He'd ended up saving Fred Phelps from a rampaging stegosaurus. Not that the guy had thanked him or anything). And, of course, there were the questions about Northstar. The inevitable fucking questions, as though he hadn't answered them fifteen thousand times on blogs, in exclusive interviews and every time someone had asked him for the past three years. Yes, he knew Northstar, sure, he liked the guy, yes, he'd had a huge damn crush on him when he was younger. He and Hulkling, and every other out hero, owed Northstar a debt for being a trailblazer. And no, for the last time, he and Hulkling didn't feel like they were in Northstar's shadow because of it.

Unable to extricate himself from the crowd, and his temper fraying, Billy very nearly lost it and slugged the smarmiest reporter when she eyed him up and down and said, in what was possibly the most smug tone he had ever heard in his life, "well, you certainly owe your fashion sense to him. Do you diet to look like him too?"

Thankfully Billy was saved from trying to come up with a response that didn't involve swearing himself blue in the face by Kate grabbing him by the arm and telling the reporters there was a fire downtown, and the team needed their magic user now, please and thank you. If he didn't think she'd laugh in his face, he would have kissed her.

Which was all to say that, after the jewel store robbery, and the paparazzi and a fire downtown, the last thing Billy wanted to see when he crawled into bed was Jean-Paul's smug face (his abs were less unwelcome, but the point stood). He swatted at Teddy's chest and turned over, curling himself around a pillow. "You are never getting laid again," he mumbled, the words muffled by the pillowcase.

The flash of skin in the periphery of his vision was green as Teddy wrapped his arms around Billy, pulling him so that his back was against Teddy's chest. "Long day?"

"The longest," Billy said and rubbed his cheek against Teddy's Skrullishly lizard-like skin. "Do I look like Northstar?"

Teddy paused a moment, seeming to realize that there was more to that question than there really should have been-- or maybe Kate had told him what she'd interrupted. Either way, he weighed his words. "Nah, he's way uglier than you." Billy couldn't help the hiccup of laughter and Teddy's arms tightened a little. "Does that sound mean I'm going to get laid sometime in the next century?"

"That sound means that you might even get laid tonight." Billy sighed, letting all of the tension of the day flow out of him as he turned and snuggled up against Teddy's chest.

"Zat is ze best news I haff heard in a long time," Teddy said, in a terrible fake-French accent. Billy kicked him.